My adventures with "Strep" and the update.....

OK, first let me start by saying that I was raised by a single father who is from the old school. I mean, this is the same guy who would make me piss in a cup when I was little if I had an earache. His rationale was that the "acids in the piss would fight the infection away". Yeah, that's easy for you to say as you use that dropper to squirt piss in my ear and then cover it up with a cotton ball. The slightest turn of my ear from a 90 degree angle and it would be running down my face. That's old school. Well, when you're raised by that mentality, you develop the same mentality. "If it ain't falling off, broken, or bleeding profusely;it will heal without a doctor making me pay him to tell me how to do it."

I now bring you to the present day and my battle with something us smokers battle rather frequently: STREP THROAT! As some of you know, I had been battling being sick a few weeks ago. I went to my dad's to help him rake up all of his leaves in his yard so he could get it presentable for "pool season". Well, that day of all days, it began to rain. I had a softball tournament the next day and needed to get the leaves done so it wouldn't be a burden later. So like an idiot I decide to rake in the rain and stick it out. The next morning I felt OK, but not as good as I needed to considering I would be playing ball all day in the sun. Needless to say, I gutted it out, but remember making the statement in the last game that I would be "sick as hell" the next day. Low and behold, Sunday morning comes and I feel like death heated up for 20 minutes in a microwave. On my way back to my dad's I go to finish raking leaves that "I missed". Are you serious Dad? The damn Masters is coming on, and we have to do the leaves now? So we do the leaves and my throat is killing me, but of course I'm chiefing my heaters as per usual.

It's now the end of the day, and I need rest and water....lots of water, and cough drops, and anything else I can find to lower my temperature and make me feel better. Have I mentioned yet that I was leaving for Greenville,NC at 5a.m. to work for the entire week with 3 guys I've never met before in my life? Well, that's the plan. So I finally doze off at about 12:30 and the alarm goes off at 3:30 a.m. Man, do I feel fantastic at this point? I may have five pounds of sweat in my shirt as I try to pull myself off of the couch to go get in the shower. I really have to ride in a car with a guy I've never met before for 3 hours as sick as I am? Oh well, suck it up. You're just sick John;it happens to all of us. So I'm showered and ready to go; and my dad says to me as soon as we get in the car: "Damn boy, you look like shit. You gonna make it?" With everybody cheering me up this way, how could I not, right?

So, I get to the boss' house and good thing he's a friend of my dad's and myself or he might have just told me to take my sick ass back to the house. He hands me my per diem money for the week,and the first thing I'm thinking is "Get me to the damn store so I can grab some cough drops and orange juice, dude!" Did I tell you that I've never met this cat before in my life? I thought so, which is what makes the next party LOL funny to me. We get on the highway heading for G-ville at about 5:15. This cat needs to double as a NASCAR driver in his spare time because the speedometer never dropped below 95 mph the entire time. You may be laughing, but I'm serious. At 5:45 a.m. he fires up some shit that would have had Cheech and Chong smiling. This was a "hog leg" this cat was holding and he proceeds to wake me up before 6 a.m. asking me if I want a hit. Look bro, you don't know me and I don't know you, so why are you trying to send me to "Zulu Nation" at 6 a.m. on Monday? My exact words were "Hell no. I've been sick for 3 days;I'm sweating like Hillary Clinton running for president, and we have to work in about 2 hours. If you want me out of this truck TODAY, get that thing away from me." So, I worked until Thursday, doped up on Ibuprofen and beer. When I came home, I still felt like death, but I kept it moving. Last week, I continued to feel bad and on Thursday I developed a "rash". Where the hell did that come from? Ok, the sore throat I can deal with, because as I said before;I'm a smoker. However, I now have a small rash. With all respect to my father, I listen to most advice, and although it's not bleeding profusely, broken, or falling off; it's a damn rash and I'm done avoiding Trapper John M.D. Off to the doctor I go. So I go in and the girl at the front desk asks me why I'm there. My response is short and sweet: "My throat has been sore for almost 2 weeks and when I woke up yesterday morning, I had this." I proceed to show her my disfigurement and she says: "Ooooh, what is that?" It's a damn rash you moron!! Get me some help.

After an hour, the little chic who is supposed to take my blood pressure comes to get me in the lobby. I sit down and she straps me up and sees the rash while lacing me up for my BP check. "What happened?", she asks me with an uncomfortable sound in her voice.Well, you know me. Mr Jokester couldn't resist. " I sleep in the nude and I sleep walk. I guess I took the wrong path last night, because when I woke up in the back yard this morning, the first thing I thought was where are my clothes and why do I have this rash on my arms and stomach?" She laughed and led me back to my room. I sat there for about a half an hour and in comes the Doc. "What can I do for you Mr. Herndon?" "Well, my throat feels like I swallowed sandpaper and I have this thing and I want to know why." I'm pissed because I look like someone tried to play connect the dots on my chest and stomach. She gives me a strep test and the results are positive. She also informs me that due to the fact that I waited so long to come in, I now have a bacterial infection and need PENICILLIN to get rid of it. Nice!! So she writes my prescription and off I go. I spend all day Saturday playing in another softball tournament and popping penicillin pills. My teammates are talking to me but keeping their distance from me like I'm a damn social leper. But, in all honesty, it freaked me out and it was on my body. Hopefully it will get better soon. NOPE! Sunday was pretty much the norm, and I spent most of the day inside since I was packing to move.

Back to Greenville I go Monday morning this week, and yes, 100 mph the whole way and the usual "Hey man, you want a hit?" I put my headphones on and close my eyes. We work all day Monday and needless to say it's "hotter than 2 rats f-ing in a wool sock". I take a shower and am ready to relax. The guy I'm rooming with says: "Jesus dude, what the hell happened?" I look in the mirror and I feel like Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone. I look like someone just shot me with a damn red paintball gun while I was in the shower. The rash has spread considerably and is now darker. I call the doctor who examined me in K-ville, and she tells me I "may have had an allergic reaction to the penicillin." My first thought is "How many years did you go to school to come up with that assessment?" "I'm gonna call in a new prescription for you." she tells me with assurance in her voice. So she gives me the Z-Pack, which the price proves just how proud they are of this jewel. I'm thinking that this might just kick this shit to the curb. NOPE, same results, so I call today and they tell me to come in and they'll re-examine me. So I do.

Well, here I am back home and in the doc's office. He comes in and takes one look at my rash and I think he's got it pegged. Talk to me doc. He says "You wanna know what's going on?" "No doc, I wanna keep looking like a circus freak, but thanks for the concern." He looks me dead in the eye and says "You're toxic." I couldn't resist at this point. "The only thing that could have made that statement any better would be if you were Britney Spears on an airplane, wearing a stewardess outfit and rubbing your rack in my face." He got a kick out of that, but proceeded to tell me the infection had spread and got into my blood stream and that's where the rash came from. "I'm gonna give you a shot and some steroids. You'll be good as new in a few days." SWEET! Wait, did you say steroids? I took Prednisone last year for 5 days and I was ready to fight everybody at Myrtle Beach. So, in comes the nurse to give my shot of steroids. Wait, do you have anyone under 200 lbs. and under the age of 45? "Can you give me your name and D-O-B please?" I give the info and she, without flinching says, "Can you drop your shorts and bend over the table for me?" Damn, it's a good thing she got my name and D-O-B or I might have felt a little violated. She tells me that my shot is steroids too. Great, am I gonna be on Capitol Hill next week? So, there I am with my shorts at me knees and getting a needle jammed in my right ass cheek to make an infection go away. The funny thing is that I will not "misremember" that pain for a while. My damn right leg almost went numb. Then she hands me my prescription and sends me on my way. So I drop off my prescription at Wally World and wait to see just what I'm getting. 30 Prednsione??!! YES!! I have to take steroids for 2 weeks. The Madman will be on the war path for the next 2 weeks. If you had seen me at Myrtle Beach last summer, you'd know what I mean. Me and steroids don't gel very well

Moral of today's story? If you have strep throat or you feel bad for a minimum of a week, go to the doctor. Old school, new school, no school. Your health is nothing to play with, and this story is living proof. I don't even want to leave the damn house right now, but have to start moving, so I guess I have no choice. Have a great weekend, and pray you don't cut my "roided up ass" off in traffic anytime in the next 2 weeks.