MTF Syndrome....or "Moving Too Fast"

Some of you may be able to relate to this and some may not, but this is on my mind so I have to share.

How many of you at one point in time have either heard someone tell you or uttered these words to someone: "We're moving too fast!" I've heard stories from friends of mine and even been told and told someone else these exact words, but didn't really analyze them until recently. What makes it "too fast"? Now, I know there are the obvious tell-tale signs.

For example, if you go on 1 date and the next day, one of the parties involved invites the other to a family member's wedding, that's too fast.
If you meet for drinks and have a good time, and one of the parties ends the night with "So, do you want to be exclusive yet?"....well, that's not only too fast.That's about as awkward as going to a party with a boner while wearing sweatpants. You see where I'm going with this right?

OK, so now on to the confusing part. I'll start with the guys. Guys, if you are "involved" with a woman or girl or whatever the case may be, and you let her stay at your house almost every night, you deserve what you get when she doesn't understand. If persuading or coercing her into sodomy is involved, you have no one to blame but yourself. You can't take a woman's one "sacred" thing away from her and think she's going to be cool with it when you say "I need some space." However, just because you hang out with someone doesn't mean they have to give you the keys to the Cadillac right from the start. Rome wasn't built in one day, and neither can a lasting commitment.

Now ladies, it's time for some role reversal for you lovely specimen, yet royal pains in our asses. Women can lead a man down a one way street at 150 mph with no caution signs and think we can just stop on a dime like a damn public safety car infomercial. Not so much. If you let us animals into your home...strike 1. If you cook for us,and not macaroni and cheese;I'm talking 3 course meal....that's strike 2. Now, if you "put it on us"....swing and a miss and take your ass back to the dugout....STRIKE 3!! Guys can handle having sex; we're guys. We need 4 things to be successful. (1) Find a hole, preferrably moist. (2) Insert (3) Thrust (4) Repeat. That's it. Women want passion. They want to feel safe. They want kissing. Guys don't need all of that jazz. Most guys are there on a mission. "Get in, get off, get out." Right fellas? I'm not speaking for myself. Some of you readers may know that to be true, but I just thought I'd clarify that.

So, the moral story of this part is guys don't need a lot. Let them do their thing between the sheets, and they're happy. The only problem is that every now and then, WE run into a woman who knows what she wants and knows how she wants it. That's when a man can get hooked and not be able to see straight for a while. So ladies, if you break any of these 3 rules, don't say I didn't tell you it would happen.

Now comes the real struggle, but I think I know why. Dating someone new can always be interesting. Let's say you go on a first date and you have a good time. Now, let's say you want to see them again. Is the next day too soon? YES and NO. YES because you want to give them time to think about you and WANT to see you again, not AGREE to see you again. Let them think about that joke you told them or the story you shared about their #1 on the "bucket list" being taking a gondola ride in Italy. You remember things like that because you were attentive and were interested in what they were saying. They will remember you opening the door for them and putting your hand on the small of their back as you let her walk in first. Careful guys, no ass grabbing!! NO because you are really interested in them, and you want the fun to continue. If the feeling is mutual, you're off to a good start. Roll with it.

The misconception of being told "We're moving too fast" and hearing "Damn dude, we just met and you want to go get a puppy together" is what needs to be interpreted. First of all, dating someone new and developing feelings for them you aren't ready for is like riding an unfamiliar roller coaster. You know it COULD be fun, but you're not sure. You've seen a lot of people come off of that same ride happy and smiling, but they might be different than you. They might have been ready to ride it, and you still have doubts. So, finally you decide to go for a ride. You sit down, and inspect your seat harness like you're checking your favorite dog for ticks. Your heart starts racing as you hear the equipment fire up. The ride that scares the hell out of you right now because you don't know exactly what will happen is about to start. You hold on tight, as your stomach starts to turn. The wheels start rolling ahead on the narrow path and you can't turn back now. The tension mounts and you start to look down, not wanting to think about what's in front of you. You don't know when the bottom is going to fall out, but you know it's coming. STOP!! Why are you worried about the bottom falling out? ENJOY THE RIDE! You agreed to take the ride, and you're already worrying about what negative event is going to take place first. So the ride throws you for all kind of loops that you didn't notice from a distance. So what? The car comes to a stop and your experience is over. Wait, why are you going back to the line to ride again? The answer is simple. Because you conquered your fear and you enjoyed the ride and want to do it again....NOW! Not next week or next month...but now. Welcome to the adrenalin rush that comes from the anticipation of hanging out someone new that you want to see as much as Andy Griffith reruns. It doesn't mean you're a "psycho" or "obsessive" if you've done this. It just means you like someone else and want to spend more time with them. Fortunately for some of the ones that get the "MTF" line, there is a postive to it.

If someone tells you that you're "moving too fast", don't fret. They said "We need to slow down a little." They DID NOT say "Get lost" or "Don't call me, I'll call you." Take your consolation prize and be thankful for what I'm about to say. Have you ever thought that they told you that because they see something in you after a short bit that they really like and feel like they might be losing some of themselves in you? They like you right back,but have been here before and someone else made them feel just as special as you are right now. Yours may be 100% genuine and you may know that, but they don't. Be patient. Everyone always throws their best game in the beginning. Do you honestly think that a woman would call a man asking to see him again if he was flatulent without remorse in the beginning? In a word...NO! Ladies, do you honestly think a man would call you for more if you acted like Andie Anderson(How To Lose....) Not a damn chance, unless you are super hot and that still might not matter. Be true to yourself, no matter what. THIS person might not like it at all, but THAT person might think you are great. The last census I saw said there over 7.5 billion people in the world. Somebody will like the real you, don't worry.

Now, this is for the ones who use "the line" on other people. Simmer down! Don't make them feel like a stalker because they like you and want more time with you. Take it as a compliment to yourself. As I said, there are over 7.5 billion in this world, and they want to spend time with YOU. They see something in you that they like, which is a good thing for you. Doesn't it make you feel good a little bit to know that who you are and who you have become over the course of your life is attractive to another person? It could be a physical attraction, a mental attraction, or a combination of both. Whatever it is, it's a compliment to who you are. Take it as such. If you don't feel it like they do, then you have to figure out what to do next, but remember it's not a competition of who likes/loves the other more. Just know that if it's there, it needs attention.

How many of you like being "chased"? I do, don't get me wrong; but there should be a limit. Everyone knows that we are all humans, and still carry the old school mentality of "You want what you can't have." Yeah, that's great and all, but you can only be a fool for so long. If you call me for a week, and I don't return your call, are you going to keep calling? Show of hands.......good answer! Those of you who said "yes" are gluttons for punishment and need to be removed from civilization. If I call someone for a week and get no response, consider me gone. I understand that putting your heart on your sleeve and stopping at nothing shows someone else just how much you want to be with them, but when does their behavior cross over to "playing games"? Don't worry, I'll wait........... My point exactly. I have done both: played hard to get and played the getting game and have succeeded at both, but I was younger and didn't look at life or love the same way back then as I do now. I have a 6 year old daughter as most of you know, and I watch her play with other little kids. I see that "tag" is still popular 25 years later, and they still play the same way we did back when we were young and innocent. One person chases another person until they catch them. Well, usually when someone chases and catches you, your first reaction is to chase them back, right? Do you see my point? For those of you who chase, run fast to catch that person. Now, if they start chasing you back, run even faster. See if they can keep up! And for those of you who make someone chase you;you better be faster than everyone else because if the chaser feels that they're wasting time chasing you because you're too fast, they WILL in fact begin to chase someone else that they believe they can keep up with. Trust me, I've seen both sides.

To end this, I'm going to give you an example of trust and opening up even though you may be terrified. We have all progressed from the caveman montra. We want to protect what's ours, and will stop at nothing to keep it safe from harm. Guard your heart as best as you can, and protect yourself to the fullest. Even the sweetest animal on Earth, the dog, is protective of it's surroundings. If a dog sees you and doesn't trust you completely, what will it do first? That's right...he growls first and barks second. That's their defense mechanism. Ours is to blame other people's actions on why we are scared to fall again. You are in control of your own heart, until you decide it's safe with someone else. Trusting another with a piece of your future is not the end of the world....it could be the beginning of something special. Guard your heart, and trust your soul for what your future holds. I'll take the dog's behavior when it comes to "taking a chance" over a turtle's defense mechanism any day. What does a turtle do when he gets scared? You got it!! Don't be a turtle......be yourself.