Mistakes in looking for something that's not where you think...

Let me preface this by saying I'm not Dr. Phil by any means, but I can speak from prior experience on this one and HAVE given advice on this subject due to my experiences. Feel free to leave comments if you have any after reading this...

How many times have you set out to find something that you misplaced or knew you just had in your possession and couldn't remember what you did with it? I know, me too. Here's the catch though. Why do we find ourselves looking for our house key in that coat we haven't worn since last winter or looking in the car we just got out of for the same key? You know as well as I do that you just used that same key to get in the door AFTER you got out of the car. Why did you go back to the car? The answer is understandable, yet not as simple as 2+2. The reason is you just got out of that car and you know you had the key while you were in the car, so the logical thing to do is retrace your steps and go backward. When you realize how proposterous that idea is, you move forward and begin to look wherever you can. You know if you search everywhere, high and low;that key will pop up,right? So you begin your search for that most important necessity to you at that moment: the house key. You look in that pair of pants you wore three days ago. Empty. Then you move onto the bathroom, knowing you haven't even stepped foot in the bathroom since you've been home. Is the key there? Of course not. Why would it be, and why would you look somewhere that you know the key can't be present? Well, because you want to find that key, and you'll stop at nothing until it's back in your possession. So, the hunt continues. You get to the point where on the verge of giving up hope, you make one last ditch effort to round up that key and you call a friend to ask for their help. You don't want them to find the key; you just want them to help YOU find it. Now the friend isn't the guiding light, but they offer something that you can't at this point: alternate perspective.

Over the last few months, I have seen posts on Facebook from a few of my friends stating that they were LOOKING for "Mr. Right/Ms. Right". They don't know where he/she is at; but they know he/she's out there somewhere and they want to find him/her, no matter the cost. Now, as I stated before; I'm not Dr. Phil but I have been through this ringer a time or two.

Here is the first and most important piece of advice: STOP LOOKING for them. Let them find you, or even better,hope you find your way to each other. When you have it in your mind that "Mr. Right/Ms. Right" will be found, you overlook a few of their inadequacies instead of having what you really want. Yes, they make you laugh; and you just love the way their passion exposes itself when speaking on a subject they firmly believe in. However, what if they have a pet and that pet is a cat? Now you know you're allergic to cats, so unless you are only going to see each other at your place, you need to think about this dilemma and think about it early. Yeah, I know you can get a shot to take away this minor inconvenience, so let me give you another reference. Let's say you find what you think is "Mr. Right/Ms. Right", and you realize two weeks in that they enjoy smoking marijuana rather frequently, yet you have random drug tests at your place of employment. Are you going to hang around? Some will, some won't; but those who do are "hoping they change" instead of realizing if they were that way when you met them, you can't expect them to change. Have you ever test drove a car;decided to buy it and then tried to take it back because you wanted a different color? Let me know how it works out for you if you ever try that one. You will have no luck, just to save you the trouble. If you meet someone in a bar, yet you don't agree with their drinking; there in lies a problem. Why are you trying to meet people in a bar in the first place? I assure you that "Mr. Right/Ms. Right" is NOT in a bar or a night club. Now "Mr./Ms. Right Now" they can be, but not for the distant future. Also, when looking for your future, do not go back to previous pawns in your game of love. This is in reference to looking in the car for the keys you used to get in the house. Why are you going backwards? There's a reason you go back to that person and it's called convenience or comfort. It may be a person who gave you the most pleasure to your body, yet the most pain to your heart. Memo to you back trackers: Keep it moving! There is a reason they are in your past, so they should be left there. Go out tomorrow and walk down the road looking over your shoulder to see what's behind you. I will tell you thank you right now for reading my blog because this will be the last one you read before you get hit by a car. DO NOT look back; keep your eyes forward. That also goes for that pair of pants you wore three days ago, yet you're looking in them for keys you misplaced five minutes ago. They are not in them either. Those jeans have no bearing on your keys, as they were not present when you lost the keys.Look in the door. I know it is the obvious choice, but it's also the safest place.

After I tell you to look in the door, your friend just walked in and pulled the keys out of the door. They already knew on the way over to your house that they were going to look there first. Why? They are your friend for a reason, and they know that you would never think to look in the obvious place:the door. They know you're in panic mode right now and aren't thinking clearly, and that's what friends are for. That is the same reason that we, at times, will rely on our friends to find that "someone" for us. They know what our strengths, weaknesses, turn-ons, and turn-offs are, so we trust them with the possibility of our future. Let them ride with you, but make sure you are still in control of the steering wheel. It's your heart and your future. They may be able to find your keys for you, but that doesn't make them the Gatekeeper, so take their opinion as "advice", not "direction". Remember, you're still steering the car because you know where you want to go.


Moral of the story today is simply this: How many of you out there have ever been "in love"? Quite a few I would imagine. How many of you that answered "yes" were looking for it when it found you? Were you ready for it when it found you? My guess would be probably not, and I would imagine it scared the hell out of you when you realized you were losing yourself to someone else, but how good did it feel? When you look for it, you "convince yourself" that the feeling is love. When it finds you, your heart "enlightens you" to what you've just found. If you want it to make an impact, let it find you, and hope you're not ready for it when it does. That's when your heart and soul will be put to the test, and that's what makes loving someone else fun.